fuck everyone

i love how someone who calls me their best friend can be so self centered and so disrespectful. she doesnt even think about how i'm going to feel when she does half the crap she does. she ditches me to hang out with MY friend whom she knows i have feelings for and it's supposed to be ok. i'm supposed to not care when i'm left home alone while she goes to the beach with him and his friends. she bails out on fireworks with me so she can get drunk and wander over to his place. she say's they're friends too etc. well i hope he's half as good as a friend i ever was because you just lost me.

there's only one person in this world who has NEVER made me feel betrayed or fucked me over. she's 4000miles away and it sucks, because she's the only person i trust. and i really do mean the ONLY person that i trust.

f.o.u.r.

well after i had my talk with boy, i feel a lot better having that all off my chest. i only wish his response would have been different, but i can't control how he feels. i feel that i can move on and get over it with more ease now knowing for sure that he doesn't feel the same as i do. i feel that i can now accept things and just be friends. there's someone out there for me, i just havent found him yet. i only hope i find him soon, i'm rather tired of looking. and VERY tired of finding all the wrong ones. on top of all this, i now have rae lynn to take into consideration and she deserves to have someone there too, but only the right someone.

third time's a charm

i come home from pregnant girl's night out, only to get real sick to my stomach as i'm pulling around the corner to my apartment. i knew he wasn't going to be home. sure enough, his car is no where to be found. that would explain the bag he had with him when he was leaving today. how could he be all over me and be so nice to me only to run off to some girls house, i'm sure? all i know is whatever he got me to make up for everything better be damn good, because right now i don't know what could make up for this. i can't be mad at him because i haven't told him how i feel about him, but at the same time i don't feel like i should have to. my mom's right, i need to just give everything up until after i have the baby, but it's so hard. i'm so lonely and i feel so unwanted by everyone. it's not fair, why can't i EVER catch a break?! i just want for one thing to go right for once. just for once for someone to care about me the way i care about them. but i don't see that happening anytime soon, if it ever does happen.

two's company

i'm falling for pete. it took him going out on a date with another girl for me to realize this. now i don't know how to act around him, or what to do. i feel like i should tell him but i'm not sure how he feels because he's always talking about how he wants to date an older girl. he wants something different than what he's had in the past. but all in the same sentence he'll talk about how i'm the most mature person he knows. talk about confusing. well i'm about to go out with karen. it's pregnant girl's night out :].

numero uno

I'm exactly 22 weeks and 1 day pregnant. My baby girl is due November 1, 2008. I'm pretty stoked, but scared all in one emotion. People like to ignore me. I think it's because they don't understand me. They fear me, when there is nothing to fear [that is if you don't piss me off.] I'm a little bit crazy, but who isn't now-a-days? I have a best friend who is an official bad ass. She makes me proud :]. So much that I'm going to name my daughter after her. I have a roomate that is a complete, let's just say dumbass, but I have to love her. Unfortunately I seem to have forgotten how to open up. Or may be I never really knew, I just had that one person who knew before I ever said anything. She still knows, it's just hard with her being 4000 miles away. It's bed time, I have to be for work at 545AM. joy :]