third time's a charm

i come home from pregnant girl's night out, only to get real sick to my stomach as i'm pulling around the corner to my apartment. i knew he wasn't going to be home. sure enough, his car is no where to be found. that would explain the bag he had with him when he was leaving today. how could he be all over me and be so nice to me only to run off to some girls house, i'm sure? all i know is whatever he got me to make up for everything better be damn good, because right now i don't know what could make up for this. i can't be mad at him because i haven't told him how i feel about him, but at the same time i don't feel like i should have to. my mom's right, i need to just give everything up until after i have the baby, but it's so hard. i'm so lonely and i feel so unwanted by everyone. it's not fair, why can't i EVER catch a break?! i just want for one thing to go right for once. just for once for someone to care about me the way i care about them. but i don't see that happening anytime soon, if it ever does happen.